Saturday, September 25, 2010

Questions the Troll Will Ask You, If You Go Under the Bridge

Question One: If a line starts in the middle, and moves like a caterpillar sleeping in its chrysalis, why do you assume the line exists?

Two: If there is a full moon, how does this effect a city's birth rate?

Three: What are the actual colors of things that have no color of their own?

Four: Are you brave enough to walk on the edge of it?

Five: How many stray cats equal one marriage?

Six: How do you squeeze water out of stone?

Seven: To defeat the dragon, do you use parsley, basil, or garlic?

Eight: Does the princess actually want to be rescued?

Eight and a half: Do you deserve to come back?

12 comments:

  1. Nine: When did you realize you were talking to yourself in the mirror?

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  2. Ten: What do you do when you realize there are bed bugs in your SOUL?

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  3. Eleven: Why do you keep drowning when I drown you?

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  4. Twelve: Who in their right mind wears stripper heels to walk across a mile long bridge multiple times? Why do you admire them for that?

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  5. Thirteen: What were things as regular as, before clockwork was invented?

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  6. I'm not real good at test taking anyway but this is real tough since I don't know the subject matter. The only answer I knew was about walking on the edge. Yes. I've done it more than once. Trolls suck.

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  7. Fourteen: What do we do about the generation of girls who spent all their time in college listening to Pharcyde and Dave Matthews band?

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  8. Fifteen: Why are trolls so misunderstood? It's Billy Goat favoritism.

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  9. 16 - I'll forgive someone anything if they're in stripper heels. You can't disagree with stripper heels, it's like arguing with a stripper. Just not done.

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  10. True story: someone I used to work with wore heels every day of her life. And now her calves are so fucked up, she has to wear slippers around the house with a little bit of a heel BECAUSE IT HURTS TO WALK WITHOUT THEM.

    NOT OKAY. There are some things, no matter how sexy our depraved minds think they are (because yes, I understand depravity)that are just not okay to do. Like giving yourself back pain for the rest of your life, and fucking up your toes. Honestly, the only people that should do that are ballerinas, because that means more.

    I think someone with a guitar is having a jam session outside my house. THAT IS ALSO NOT OKAY.

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  11. But those slippers with the heels? Like from adult mens' magazines? Basically they should always be worn, and should co-ordinate with whatever underwears are being worn. Not wearing heels is like mismatching your bra and panties - it means: Yeah, no sex ever.

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  12. I know someone who's ex honestly and truly believed that no woman should leave the house without a matching set of bra and panties. The only thing about my underwear that matches is the level of dingy and approximate age. He's in for a rude awakening. Sometimes princesses rescue themselves.

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Who wants to fuck the Editors?